Nobody Taught Me. So Now I Have to Teach Myself

I was never taught.

A lot of us weren’t.

How to manage money.

How to invest.

How to make money work for us instead of the other way around.

Sometimes, it feels like that was intentional—like the system was designed to keep us from knowing.

I’m 35, and I just recently learned what dividends are. How investing works. That money can actually grow if you let it.

But in school? They didn’t teach us that. And at home? Well, I didn’t see the steps behind financial stability. I didn’t see how a home was purchased or how money was managed; only that help was needed. And when I turned 18, my name was used to finance a car. I didn’t understand credit then, but I quickly learned what it meant when the calls from collections started.

And just like that, before I had even started my adult life, my credit was dead.

Drowning Before I Even Knew How to Swim

I had no idea how credit worked. No clue what an interest rate was. No understanding of loans or debt or what it meant to owe money to people who will come knocking.

So when I got my first credit card in college? I swiped it.

When my school refund checks came? I spent them.

Not because I was reckless. Not because I didn’t care.

But because no one ever taught me how to do anything different.

I grew up in a household where money disappeared as fast as it came in.

Long-term stability wasn’t something I saw modeled. I grew up around people who lived in the moment, who believed money was meant to be spent now. And honestly, I adopted that same mindset. “Might as well spend it; doesn’t look like I’ll be rich anytime soon.”

But Then Life Started Laughing at Me

Now, when I see the things I want, the places I dream of going, it feels like they’re mocking me.

“Ha! You can’t afford that! You don’t have the money!”

And that feeling? That constant reminder that I don’t have what I want?

It’s exhausting.

I am just now—just now—starting to understand that long-term thinking is the key.

That the people who have the things I want? The financial stability, the freedom, the soft life?

They didn’t just wake up one day and have it.

They planned. They built. They understood that before the promise, there’s a process.

Unlearning, Relearning, and Feeling Behind

Pastor Mike Todd said something that stuck with me:

“Discipline is hard on the front end, but on the back end, it’s worth it. Because what you wanted, what you prayed for, will come with ease.”

I wish I had known that back then.

I wish someone had told me to buy stock, to invest in Bitcoin, or to simply SAVE! I’d be wealthy by now!

But here I am. Still breathing.

That means it’s not too late.

And yet, even with that hope, I won’t lie; sometimes I feel so behind.

Even when I had a decent-paying job, I didn’t handle it well. Then COVID happened. Then I had to move. It felt like I lost all my progress, like I took 1,000 steps back. That’s where the frustration and depression set in.

But the truth is, it’s all been in my hands. No one taught me, but I also didn’t take responsibility for learning…until now.

And I won’t pretend it’s easy.

And then there’s my impatience. The feeling that I should already be where I want to be.

And If I’m Being Honest…

Being in this financial position makes me feel unattractive sometimes. I know it’s just a mindset, but it’s how I feel in this moment. Like love and money are both taking their sweet time finding me.

I’m working on it.

I know this journey isn’t just mine. So if you feel this too…if you’re trying to unlearn and rebuild from scratch…know that I see you. It’s not too late to start over. We got this.

Affirmations for the Journey

•  I am worthy, not because of what I have, but because I exist.

•  I release comparison and embrace my unique path—my journey is unfolding at the right time.

•  I am learning, growing, and rewriting my story. I am not behind—I am becoming.

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May we continue to unlearn, heal, and rise into our fullest selves.

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